While everyone gathered for the clan picture taking, I could not drag myself to join them. It had been rubbed to my face - I am a disappointment. And to pretend and put on a happy face would be too much.
Why did I even come when I know everyone was talking about me? Why did I even bother to make my presence felt when I know everyone thought that I am a disgrace to the family? Why did I even thought of "maybe, tonight, it will all change" when everything had indeed changed? Why did I even allow myself to look so pitiful? Why did I even hope that they will come tomorrow?
I just want them to be there tomorrow. Maybe, that's why.
I have learned my lesson. And I know I am humbled by the mistake I have committed.
It reminds me: Ohana means family. And family means no one gets left behind.
Amidst all, I am overwhelmed by the concern and love shown by my parents. I have wronged them. Yet, it is still my welfare they are after for. I have defied them. Yet, they are still after my best interest. I hope they stay. But I know they can't. Maybe, that's why I still came tonight - to be able to spend time with them.
Yes. Now, I know. I came because of my parents. I wanted to be with them before I finally get emancipated tomorrow. I know it's not goodbye but I know they are unprepared for it, especially my Dad. I came because I did not care about the shame. I came because I was humbled by the unconditional love and acceptance I am getting from both of my parents, even though, I know it is hard for them.
I just wish when I wake up tomorrow they will be the ones to come with me - to my wedding.
03/29/10
12:03 am
12:03 am
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