It has been weeks since he started working for his brother now. I know what he's thinking - "my wife isn't very supportive" or anything else of the same sort.
But, here are my confessions:
> I can't bring myself to support the idea because I know it will take all his time. I may sound selfish but I want his time, nowadays, to myself. I just want him around.
> It makes me feel guilty that he has to work there for me - for us.
> I can't take the idea of him serving other people, when he was born with a silver-spoon in his mouth. It's not that what he does is something degrading. It's not. He's not just meant for it. And though it is nothing to him, it is everything to me. It feels like I'm the one who's in there. But, I must say, I should be proud. And, I am proud of him going beyond what he does in his comfort zone.
> I know his brother depends on him, in one way or another. And I can't go against that.
> Aside from taking his time, it drains his energy, too. How does this affect me? He's often too tired to talk. Our only way of communication is snores. Or maybe, we do communicate, that is, in our dreams or in our sleep. And though he says he's listening, I know I can't force him to open his eyes just so I am assured that he is indeed into the conversation. It just pisses me off.
But, the truth is, I miss my hubby. Terribly and sorely. If only I can let him drink too many sleeping pills or do that kind of sabotage just so he wouldn't leave, I would. But, still, I can't. No matter how much I want to. Besides, that's what wives do, right? To understand.
Bottomline, I just can't wait for that event to end.
Promise. I'll make it up to him.
Promise. I'll make it up to him.
04/15/10
10:30 pm
No comments:
Post a Comment